I'm sick, sick, sick... I had to stay in all day... couldn't go to momma's tonight. I'm miserable and I'm sick!
Now back to your regularly scheduled station.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Just thought I'd let you know...
I'm sick, sick, sick... I had to stay in all day... couldn't go to momma's tonight. I'm miserable and I'm sick!
Now back to your regularly scheduled station.
Now back to your regularly scheduled station.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Well, this is definately about being honest with ourselves and within ourselves... I understand whole heartedly about being too poor and just too dang tired to eat right. It's just easier to grab a sub and a bag of pretzels... and pop.... and then sitting at the computer to nibble on nibblies.... and go through the drive thru.... and not exercise even though you KNOW you should... It's too hot to walk... it's too cold to walk... it's raining.... etc. etc. I don't check my b.s.l. like I should... I can't really remember the last time i checked it. Although, that is not as important in my case... I'm on one pill a day, no injected insulin. But with everything else that is going on with me... I know what has to be done... I don't know... it's like one more responsibility that I just don't want to deal with... Why have I never shirked from responsibility that involves others more so than myself... but, when it is primarily for me... I let it slide?
So this is the decision I've made...
If I were being honest with myself, and writing the truth here, I'd have to be up front about the fact that I have not been doing what I need to be doing to 1) lose weight and 2) control the blood sugar level. I have not been doing a good job of it since the boy was born, really. I've been making what can barely be described as a half-hearted (half-assed?) effort at being a 'good little Diabetic' these last 3 1/2 years. I kind of pay attention to what I eat. I rarely, if ever, actually check my blood sugar. I exercise if I'm feeling guilty about it. A 'good day' at work is making only one trip to the vending machine. Some of this may be redundant, but bear with me. I feel as if I need to get it all off my chest.
I did so well from the time I was first diagnosed with the Diabetes until I found out I was pregnant. My blood sugar was well under control and I'd lost 80 pounds, and was still losing. Go team.
I did well while I was pregnant, also, even though it was unbelievably stressful... checking my blood sugar (I just can't abbreviate it with b.s. ... call me immature...) 4 times a day, calling the doctor's office twice a week with the readings to find out if they wanted to adjust the insulin... and the endless doctor's appointments - OH MY GOD - by the last month of the pregnancy, I was going to the doctor twice a week. I only gained 28 lbs. By the end of the pregnancy, I was only up to 32 units of insulin daily, and the doctor told me that most of his Diabetic patients are up to four times that much insulin by the end of their pregnancies. When the boy was finally born, I thought "I'm giving myself a month off. I'll get back on track after that, but I need a month of not thinking about it." And a month turned into two, which turned into six, which turned into a year... and now here we are.
I can't fault the doctor for my irresponsibility. I can't expect another doctor to do any better of a job with me, if I'm not going to do what I need to do when it comes to all this. I have to stop wallowing in the self-pity and take responsibility for my actions. I like to use the excuse of being too busy to focus on what needs to be done... I work all day, and want to spend time with my son when I get home, so how am I supposed to find time to exercise? Exercising would take away from the time I can spend with him. Eating healthy is too expensive. We're so limited financially right now that it's hard to cook healthy meals. Not to mention the fact that I'm so tired and stressed out that I just don't feel like putting the effort into planning meals, and in-turn planning trips to the grocery, so that we don't end up wasting so much food - fresh vegetables and such - by throwing it away when it goes bad. It's so much easier to stop at McDonald's for breakfast than to get up ten minutes earlier in the morning and make something here.
So. . . I have tucked away the information for the 'new' doctor that I'd planned to call this week. I'm checking my blood sugar when I should. I'm making a conscious effort to think about what I'm eating before I eat it, to plan ahead for meals, and all that. And I'm exercising - hells bells, if I can't take 30 minutes a day to do something for me, then there's something wrong. I'm going back to the same doctor I'm seeing now in August, and we'll see what the results are.
I did so well from the time I was first diagnosed with the Diabetes until I found out I was pregnant. My blood sugar was well under control and I'd lost 80 pounds, and was still losing. Go team.
I did well while I was pregnant, also, even though it was unbelievably stressful... checking my blood sugar (I just can't abbreviate it with b.s. ... call me immature...) 4 times a day, calling the doctor's office twice a week with the readings to find out if they wanted to adjust the insulin... and the endless doctor's appointments - OH MY GOD - by the last month of the pregnancy, I was going to the doctor twice a week. I only gained 28 lbs. By the end of the pregnancy, I was only up to 32 units of insulin daily, and the doctor told me that most of his Diabetic patients are up to four times that much insulin by the end of their pregnancies. When the boy was finally born, I thought "I'm giving myself a month off. I'll get back on track after that, but I need a month of not thinking about it." And a month turned into two, which turned into six, which turned into a year... and now here we are.
I can't fault the doctor for my irresponsibility. I can't expect another doctor to do any better of a job with me, if I'm not going to do what I need to do when it comes to all this. I have to stop wallowing in the self-pity and take responsibility for my actions. I like to use the excuse of being too busy to focus on what needs to be done... I work all day, and want to spend time with my son when I get home, so how am I supposed to find time to exercise? Exercising would take away from the time I can spend with him. Eating healthy is too expensive. We're so limited financially right now that it's hard to cook healthy meals. Not to mention the fact that I'm so tired and stressed out that I just don't feel like putting the effort into planning meals, and in-turn planning trips to the grocery, so that we don't end up wasting so much food - fresh vegetables and such - by throwing it away when it goes bad. It's so much easier to stop at McDonald's for breakfast than to get up ten minutes earlier in the morning and make something here.
So. . . I have tucked away the information for the 'new' doctor that I'd planned to call this week. I'm checking my blood sugar when I should. I'm making a conscious effort to think about what I'm eating before I eat it, to plan ahead for meals, and all that. And I'm exercising - hells bells, if I can't take 30 minutes a day to do something for me, then there's something wrong. I'm going back to the same doctor I'm seeing now in August, and we'll see what the results are.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Awesome Babe! I'm going to start anew on Thursday... the day after school lets out for the summer. And Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about... I stopped taking all medication a couple of years ago... I was only on migraine meds and anti-depressants, but those meds ran my blood pressure up a bit (side effect) and so I had to start taking high blood pressure meds. I got tired of taking the pills and so I stopped. Since the anti-depressants and the migraine meds ran my bp up I figured once I stopped taking them, I could stop taking the blood pressure meds. I was wrong. I went for about 8 or so months... and suffered a brain aneurysm and almost (and according to the doctor, should have) died.
I had changed GP's about a month before I stopped taking my meds... my doctor moved away and had to change... so I just went to another one in the clinic... I wasn't real impressed with him (I only saw him once)... so I just quit going to him and stopped taking my meds. After my hospital stay, I had to go see him for a follow up... I expected to be blessed out big time... You know what he did? He took partial responsibility for what I did because he new I was very attached to my former doctor (we were also friends, I know his wife as well) and he thought he should have followed up with me better when I stopped showing up for check ups. He had missed me and wondered what was up. I about fell over... I just knew I was going to get yelled/fussed at, but he didn't. He did tell me that if I ever felt like just stopping my meds again, to come talk to him and we would deal with it together...
He has been very pro-active about my health and well being. I didn't really need to be on medication for diabetes or cholestorol yet... but he knew my family history was horrible in both areas...and started me out on meds for maintenance. He pulls other little tricks on me too, making sure he sees me regularly... he just pulled one on me about a week ago on one of my refills... he usually gives me 5 months on a refill, but he knew it was time for my check up in to... so that's what he gave me... 2 months.
There are good GP's out there... sometimes you have to look for them... and sometimes you have them dropped into your lap...
On Thursday, I start again... 2 months away from the road to work... Lord help me.
I had changed GP's about a month before I stopped taking my meds... my doctor moved away and had to change... so I just went to another one in the clinic... I wasn't real impressed with him (I only saw him once)... so I just quit going to him and stopped taking my meds. After my hospital stay, I had to go see him for a follow up... I expected to be blessed out big time... You know what he did? He took partial responsibility for what I did because he new I was very attached to my former doctor (we were also friends, I know his wife as well) and he thought he should have followed up with me better when I stopped showing up for check ups. He had missed me and wondered what was up. I about fell over... I just knew I was going to get yelled/fussed at, but he didn't. He did tell me that if I ever felt like just stopping my meds again, to come talk to him and we would deal with it together...
He has been very pro-active about my health and well being. I didn't really need to be on medication for diabetes or cholestorol yet... but he knew my family history was horrible in both areas...and started me out on meds for maintenance. He pulls other little tricks on me too, making sure he sees me regularly... he just pulled one on me about a week ago on one of my refills... he usually gives me 5 months on a refill, but he knew it was time for my check up in to... so that's what he gave me... 2 months.
There are good GP's out there... sometimes you have to look for them... and sometimes you have them dropped into your lap...
On Thursday, I start again... 2 months away from the road to work... Lord help me.
I have actually managed to exercise in one form or another pretty regularly for the last week... okay, 10 days. I want full credit. I had to skip Tuesday and Wednesday of last week because of obligations that made me late getting home from work, but 8 out of 10 days is nothing to sneeze at. And, by the way, I think I need new gym shoes.
I've ordered a special cable and downloaded (for free) some software that will enable me to hook my blood glucose meter up to my computer to regularly download my readings, so I don't have to write them down. More importantly, I suppose, is the fact that I've actually started regularly checking my blood sugar again. In all honesty, I have not had the want nor the desire to do it for quite some time now (and I'm not saying how long). If I have a chance while at work tomorrow, I'm going to call the 'new' doctor that I found on the insurance website...
Ugh.
Why is the thought of doing something for myself, of taking care of myself, so distasteful? Isn't that funny? I know you know the feeling I refer to. I want no part of medicine, or exercise, or eating right, or any of it. What I'd really like to do is just flip the double-barreled bird to whoever is looking, walk away and eat a bag of Mikesell's (local brand) Groovy potato chips with a tub of onion dip.
But instead, I did 30 minutes on the elliptical (after walking all day), and am heading off to a supper of mostly salad and one, maybe two, slices of pizza.
This just sucks...
I've ordered a special cable and downloaded (for free) some software that will enable me to hook my blood glucose meter up to my computer to regularly download my readings, so I don't have to write them down. More importantly, I suppose, is the fact that I've actually started regularly checking my blood sugar again. In all honesty, I have not had the want nor the desire to do it for quite some time now (and I'm not saying how long). If I have a chance while at work tomorrow, I'm going to call the 'new' doctor that I found on the insurance website...
Ugh.
Why is the thought of doing something for myself, of taking care of myself, so distasteful? Isn't that funny? I know you know the feeling I refer to. I want no part of medicine, or exercise, or eating right, or any of it. What I'd really like to do is just flip the double-barreled bird to whoever is looking, walk away and eat a bag of Mikesell's (local brand) Groovy potato chips with a tub of onion dip.
But instead, I did 30 minutes on the elliptical (after walking all day), and am heading off to a supper of mostly salad and one, maybe two, slices of pizza.
This just sucks...
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)