Today....

Today, I walked at my sister in laws house.... up the hill.... LOL which is a big deal for me.

I've fought my weight FOREVER... and lost.... I've done it all... dieted... starved... phen-fen....

but now... my heart is involved.... and it HAS to come off. I admit I'm scared... and disgusted with myself... and like Ruth... I own my fatness... every pound of it... I did it to myself and I'm going to deal with it. Starting now. (well, actually I started about a month ago... but, starting here... now.)

I'm a horrible couch potato... I work constantly... but I do sit down work/ computer work/ scrapbooking work. That has stopped to an extent... I still have to do something seated... but now I do a lot more moving around. Walking, pacing...

I've developed anxiety attacks and this constant worry and fretting over my health is NOT helping my anxiety.

2 1/2 years ago, I had a subherrachoid brain hemmorhage... a brain anuerysm.... a stroke.... and was back to work in 5 weeks... 2 of that being in the hospital... I had to learn to walk again... I'm a strong person and I can do this... I hate dieting... I hate exercising... No... let me rephrase that.. I hate taking the time to exercise... once I get out and do it... mainly walking... I love it. I feel guilty about the time I spend on myself to exercise... I could be doing... this, this and this for work. I'm a teacher and that is a job you take home with you. You can't leave it at school if you want to do it well. And I want to... thing is... if I continue to sacrifice my health and well-being... I won't be around to do it well...

This is my wake up call...